BigGene's Hot Spot

2008-08-31T18:05:00.000-07:00

I guess the song will say it all. Have a good one in England, Sarah!

Thursdays will never be the same

Life’s been such a journey ... for me

It hasn’t been easy but that not what I’m here to say

The ups and downs are always gona be there

I guess its so much easier, when there is a friend who cares...

Oh gal, Thursdays from now will never be the same

Driving by, I’ll remember those times,

Sometimes the things we share, no one can understand...

Will you remember these lines, I don’t want to say goodbye.

What lies before us, is beyond my mind...

But remember that wherever you are, you’ll be on my mind.

If there is no one to talk to, I’ll be on msn...

I guess worse come to worse, I’m just be a phone call away...

2008-08-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Have I forgotten how to love (what does it mean anymore? I dun know)

Have I forgotten how it feels (so tell me now please, was it even real)

Have I let indifference rip my world... (how fast it came and now gone away)

Have I forgotten how to cry (o man suck it up, perhaps that’s just life)

That's just life and the way it is...

2008-08-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hi all, just recorded my own cover version of Avril Lavigne's Anything but Ordinary feel like so much things have happened recently and the mental challenges are sometimes just too much... sometimes I just dun want to deal with stuff anymore, dun want to even explain myself anymore... sometime... it really seem like it doesnt really matter anymore.

Sometimes I get so weird/I even freak myself out/I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby/Sometimes I drive so fast/Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream/It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?/Is it enough to breathe?/Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed/Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life/I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

and in good old fashion, BigGene shall always continue to be real...

2008-07-19T01:38:00.000-07:00

A night out with the JOKER!

2008-07-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Today 3 July 2008. I drove the Aston Martin DB9. Nice*

Life is filled with ups and downs... Now the scary part is when all these ups and downs both bring you back to the same painful memory... tell me. Now how brown cow?

2008-07-01T10:00:00.001-07:00

Alien Sensation

Trying not to think but it keeps getting in/I shut the door but somehow it’s open again/Since it’s here now there is only one thing to say/Could you please... get the hell out of my head!

At the brink of depression, my mind in confusion/People around me, but in their own nation/They speak with tongues of an angel,/but the love that they speak is but a noisy cymbal!

Am I all alone...(3x)/An alien with a sensation

Affection we share does it come with a timer/Does the ringing go when the weekend is over/The truth before me, plain and simple in words/Actions always will speak louder than words!

Don’t people get it, or are they just busy hiding/Behind the wall of ‘cant you see that I’m trying’/Whatever you say ‘cause I’m tired of waiting/Maybe that’s why they say love is so blinding!

2008-06-28T03:07:00.000-07:00

Could You wipe this part of me away

All these while its feeding the pain

Wipe away these memories,

Cos it doesn’t mean a thing to anyone, anyway...

So why are You doing this to me

Could it be a part of an answered prayer

A price of sacrifice

I hope it means a thing to someone, someday

So does love live on this one way street

Will I recognize it when it comes by

So does love live on this one way street

Will I turn away and say bye

Even if it comes to me... would it mean anything anymore?

Against All Odds

2008-04-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

Against All Odds

in that places once again
broken heart causing broken mind
no matter where I look in life
comfort seem no where in sight

everything goes and nothing gain
all the love have turn to hate
is this all I get for service...
loving

Though I know that there are times
when I raise my fist to the sky
you can see anger in these eyes
there is evil, evil...

But God still loves
God still loves
against all odds
against all odds

my God still loves...

2008-03-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

Some pictures from Melbourne...

2007-12-31T19:08:00.000-08:00

Hi, to whoever's out there, sorry for the long silent... Yeah I'm back from shutting the world outta my life. Thanks to all I have got to know better, deeper through this time. These new found friendships shall be cherished. I spent a wonderful 2 weeks in Chiang Mai Thailand. The place and people... so nice and hospitable. Hopefully I will be able to go back to visit the friends I made there.

For now, life's good... emotion's back to normal, work will be starting soon as we step into the new year. However, now, I choose who to love, how to love... no longer shall I be at the mercy of other's and their ways...

Happy New Year to all, but remember this... The extend of your new year celebration only tells you how bad the last one was... so if 2007 was a damn good year for ya, you should start mourning now... cos it over.

2007-11-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

One song... sums it all... all 5-6 years worth!
what beauty? irony...

In The End lyrics

(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

2007-10-26T00:50:00.000-07:00

Part 5 1/2: A song a friend wrote for me...

Hey Gene can you hear Him sing
of a love song that is for you and me

It's not the laughter that will make you grow
But the tears and fears when you lose control

You gotta fall, to soar, to see it all
This world of pain and joy and love

Where is the Love, the Hope oh where is God
When your heart grows weary down the road

What would you say when God went through all the same for you
What would you say when God love you the same today

Hey Gene the oceans rise and fall
All place and time will have it's call
When you fall like a cannon ball
It's the hurt you gotta let it go
Oh let it go, let it go
let it go

Let tomorrow have no sorrow
Who will you follow to the end
In the shadows remember your halo
You're the Light of the world

I know you're hurt
I know you're jaded
But God is in control
Where are your dreams
Where are your feelings
When you wished upon a star

I pray that you will soar, stand tall
Hey Big Gene,
It's not by might or knights
to end it right, to end it right
Just let it go, let it go
God is in control

Yours la
Terry Theodore

2007-10-26T00:31:00.000-07:00

Part 5: Life’s journey always makes you pause to wonder what God has installed for you ahead. Does it matter or will it surprise me any more then all that has happened. Life’s journey, filled with joy and happiness, with it of cos the opposite, pain and sadness.

So what’s the whole point? That we may be able to collect life tales for the generations of tomorrow? Or so some ass like me can come up with something wise to say or to compose an emo song.

What’s the whole point? What’s the whole point of love? We toy with the idea so we can feel good in it, and wonder why we even venture there when we feel shitty, out of it.

Love inter-twine between logical human expectation and illogical emotional reaction. Haha… when logic meets logic, problems are solved, when illogic emo meets illogic emo, sparks fly… but when logic meets illogic, love is the battlefield.

Now, the rainbow after the rain is no longer there, I guess you only feel it when the rainbow meant great comfort. Well it does, so therefore its hard not having a rainbow. The cruel reality of life is that even when the rainbow fails to appear, life continues to drag you on; you can’t just stop there to wait forever… You are dragged on.

Again, you question, what’s the point of being drag through life. Eventually you learn to get up and get into more comfortable dragging positions because you realize knowing the point of it all wouldn’t stop the pain either… so ya… logic kicking in as emo gets kicked out… 1-0 to logic.

On to the dragged trail! Well we get stronger and tougher, physically and emotionally. We laugh at people who jump back on the emo love trail… haha losers! Then suddenly find myself on the losers side… sigh… Many times we do find ourselves in the ‘I’m an idiot zone’ Alone? Na… look around, you probably find me.

Lyrics to come soon...

2007-10-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Part 4 of this long and draggy sob story, I am surprise some of you are still reading this, also quite surprise to have drawn certain people here. I do not question your reasons but I thank you for your company...

When i wrote this song, I was being inspired to do that inevident U turn... I set out on this journey to find out more, knowing it would bring hurt and sadness to myself. But there are just stuff I had to do to find out on my own, about God. However I realized that my actions have cost hurt to people who love me... and that wasn't what I wanted... anyway there fore this song and my decision to return home... little did I know... there's even tougher road header...

Anyway for the devil to have made that much effort to have hit me at my weakness, at key relationships at such a key point... I salute him for he does deserve some credit in making my comeback hard... and I would like to say this, to ones who feels that responsible for my states, I want to say to you (if you are reading this) Its not your fault, dun blame yourself... my love for you is not base on your actions for me, its greater... as God choose to love me...

Nonetheless, God's love is not totally unconditional... this was my lesson learnt in this journey... Even as He agape the world (His thoughts) gave His one and only son to die for us (that is action of love) that whoever believes in Him (thats the condition) shall not perish but have eternal life (that is the promise) Promise to who? to those who choose to be in His condition... to believe in Him... Thus, its conditional...

I have more revelation, but that will have to wait for part 4 1/2... let me say this again, do not blame yourself for where I am...

也该回头了

也许该回头望，也许该想一想家

ye xu gai hui tou wang, ye xu gai xiang yi xiang jia

也许该回头往，也许该回到您的

ye xu gai hui tou wang, ye xu gai hui dao nin de wai bao

离家的日子虽然不久

li jia de ri zi sui ran bu jiu

但在您身边的感觉缠着我一直不

dan zai nin shen bian de gan jue chan zhe wo yi zhi bu fang

外面下着雨，我觉得好冷

wai mian xia zhe yu, wo jue de hao leng

寻找温暖好像是我最近最爱的

xun zhao wen nuan hao xiang shi wo zui jin zui ai de you xi

人来人往，根本没有真情

ren lai ren wang, gen ben mei you zhen qing

真真假假，在这段日子看得一干二净

zhen zhen jia jia, zai zhe duan ri zi kan de yi gan er jing

我怎么会那么愚蠢，其实我寻找的爱，

wo zen me hui na me yu chun, qi shi wo xun zhao de ai,

一直在我身边徘徊

yi zhi zai wo shen bian pai huai

2007-10-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Backslide part 3 – first I have to admit and credit Him for taking steps towards me. Firstly for arranging me to meet Jonah at RT, somehow managed to discuss a getaway soon. Secondly for letting me know how He felt about our relationship over Church service through prophesy. However, was quite disappointed when He started taking my little hopes of love with my friends away. That gave birth to this song that Sunday afternoon. I would like Him to win me back with His love and truth and not by eliminating my other sources of strength and hope in life. God, please don’t cheat using Your authority but win me with Your love…

请您放过我

失望，应该早已习惯

shi wang, ying gai zao yi xi guan

怎么现在，痛还是一样的苦

zen me xian zai, tong hai shi yi yang de ku

情友渴望，不过朋友好忙

qing you ke wang, bu guo peng you hao mang

这个简单希望，您也不允许我

zhe ge jian dan xi wang, nin ye bu yun xu

请不要把我弄得一无所有

qing bu yao ba wo nong de yi wu suo you

给我一点空间，让我静一静

gei wo yi dian kong jian, rang wo jing yi jing

请您放过我，请您让我走

qing nin fang guo wo, qing nin rang wo zou

如果您真心爱我

ru guo nin zhen xin ai wo

我会知道，我会回到您身旁。

wo hui zhi dao, wo hui hui dao nin shen pang.

2007-10-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Backslide part 2 – have made my intentions clear to few that I taken to be important to me. Nonetheless I still think no one would bother to read this… Anyway, I want to say it’s sad that even now emergency loves are not as efficient or immediate anymore. Anyway this song was written on a Friday night, I kind of felt quite good not going because I really didn’t see a point. ‘Duh’ Christian remarks had started me on this silent determination to backsliding and never come back… dun get me started on that. Anyway even though short-lived, I feel that the ocean breeze with the sun set did take me over from it all that faithful evening. Thus the song…

海风

太阳快要下山了，今天的工作早已完毕

tai yang kuai yao xia shan le, jin tian de gong zuo zao yi wan bi

现在不要胡思乱想，就跟着海风一起飞去

xian zai bu yao hu si luan xiang, jiu gen zhe hai feng yi qi fei qu

飞车吹风的感觉很好，漂亮太阳在我面前

fei che chui feng de gan jue hen hao, piao liang tai yang zai wo mian qian

无忧无虑是海风的骄傲，跟着他奔我懂得自由…

wu you wu lÜ shi hai feng de jiao ao, gen zhe ta ben wo dong de zi you…

海风… 你把我的烦恼都吹走

hai feng… ni ba wo de fan nao dou chui zou

海风… this little joy 就是找你的理由。

hai feng… this little joy jiu shi zhao ni de li you

2007-10-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Currently I am going thru a season of [Back]sliding, calling it as it is… no creativity in there. Documenting my emotions and experiences through these stages of my new found human experience.

Backslide part 1 - which is also my first official Chinese song was written over a time when I felt no one (those who so called love me) really cared. My point is, no one really loves beyond cell and church meetings. Everyone gets into their own busy lives and forgets everyone else’s. To me that kind of love aren’t real… makes it worse when such ‘love’ arises only when things go wrong… in short it’s called ‘emergency love’ or so called hypocritical love. This song demarks disappointment and a last call for hope.

PS. I also think no one will really care enough to read this, hmmm except my wife...

给我一点希望

夜深了，一天又过去了

ye shen le, yi tian you guo qu le

电话无声，没人想我

dian hua wu sheng, mei ren xiang wo

存不存在，没有关系

cun bu cun zai, mei you guan xi

到了现在，我无所谓

dao le xian zai, wo wu suo wei

您答应我会在我身边

nin da ying wo hui zai wo shen bian

您说过您永远不会离去

nin shuo guo nin yong yuan bu hui li qu

过去的爱，到底还在不在

guo qu de ai, dao di hai zai bu zai

给我一点希望

gei wo yi dian xi wang

让我感受您一点的温软

rang wo gan shou nin yi dian de wen ruan

让我知道that I really matter…

rang wo zhi dao

给我一点被爱的感觉

gei wo yi dian bei ai de gan jue

让我感受您无数的力量

rang wo gan shou nin wu shu de li liang

不要让我，不要让我自己走下去…

bu yao rang wo, bu yao rang wo zi ji zou xia qu

2007-09-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

Thursday 20 Sept... a day of darkest in the blues camp.
Our special one departed... however we will not settle for the normal one!!!

Here are his parting words...

Fri, 21st Sep 2007

José said: 'I am very proud of my work in Chelsea Football Club and I think my decision in May 2004 to come to England was an excellent one.

'It was a beautiful and rich period of my career. I want to thank all Chelsea FC supporters for what I believe is a never ending love story.

'I wish great success to the club, a club that will be forever connected to me for some historic moments.

'I wish the players happiness in football and in their family life.

'Finally on my wife's and children' s behalf we thank the great professionalism of their school teachers and the beauty of so many friends.'

2007-09-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

The guy at the workshop says that my rims are beyond trade-in, so I decided to keep them... Now they are my coffee table... not bad huh...

My Ride!

2007-09-05T07:48:00.001-07:00

My Ride!

2007-08-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

Emma!!!

This is Emma, Elijah's sister... so cute and grown!
22 August... a day of anguish and God's deliverance... ( ")

2007-08-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

O God,

Oh God, look at this world You created
People killing people,
Evil lifting banners...
Surely this cannot be

Look at Your children dying
Nights are filled with crying
There seems to be no ending
to this pain O Lord

Day by day that goes by
all this talks but no actions
Everyone is wondering
Did You hear our prayer?

Do You hear our prayers,
if so, You cannot do nothing...

You are all knowing
Lord, You are all loving
You are our Savior
so You cannot do nothing...

This song was written as a prayer in the light of the Christian Korean brothers and sisters kidnapped in Afghan... (to date, two men killed)

2007-07-25T20:45:00.001-07:00

XBox just been Axed! (Ring Of Death)

2007-07-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Sis's got a new hairdo!

2007-07-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

WORSHIP 07 - Unbelievable... Man can do and plan to only that much of an extend for an event... but when God's presence befall on us that faithful night, that's a night impossible to forget!

2007-07-23T08:26:00.001-07:00

My latest Batcave addition... *alls smiles

2007-07-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

His works of the past shows His faithfulness, and His promises of the future brings hope. That will equip us for the present... To believe though one do not hear, see nor feel is Faith... Keep the faith bros and sisters of my dear Jeremiah... God will heal and He will save the day...

Somewhere Above Me

Here I stand in the valley
Darkness, it surrounds me
The only light shines above me
Somewhere above me...

All these pain for this faith
It's a price that is worth
Your lovely eyes watches above me
Somewhere above me...

Though I see, not of You
Though I hear. not of You
Though I feel, not of You
I know You are there,
above me...
watching me...

2007-07-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

Loby [Just another day as Gene's pet]

2007-07-03T01:31:00.000-07:00

Going deeper... facing challenges... challenges that would break you down internally... challenges that affects other things in your life... Evil hits low and hard... Riding on an emoWave... at times flying hard and mighty, at times sucking it hard in the crashes of pain... life's tough when two forces collides all the time... none the less, a purposeful God willed life is still one worth fighting for...

*learning to enjoy pain...

2007-06-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon."
Isaiah 55.6-7

Retreats round the corner... what will it mean to many of us?... I dun know... What does it mean to me? I guess a time to calm down from all the rushing around me... all the 'tasks' I have to be involve in the next few weeks. Am pretty ambitious and driven by my love for my Lord and yearning to give the Lord the best gift I can give. I guess in all I do... the Lord will see my heart for Him... Isn't it funny... like I still need His help, His grace, His providence so that I can prepare it all for Him... hmmm...

Looking forward to feeling the sand when God part the waters... seriously excited!!!

2007-06-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

The old goes out the window... the NEW has come!!!!

2007-06-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

Somehow man are built, hard to please... more pain, more hours, more ideas...
Satanic sign? yes or no... I don't know... God knows my heart, I serve only Him... Amen!

Here's what next in line... so far...

Here's a more concise version...

2007-06-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

Feeling tired tonight... in fact this whole day... Maybe I should just quit writing and get my bible and guitar and seek my strength right now... AAAAAAAAhhhhh!

2007-06-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

been thinking of 'family' recently...

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' Romans 8:28 The greek original text is more properly translated,' In everything that happens, God works for good with those who love him.' That promise, I have found to hold true in all disasters and hardships. Things happen, some good, some bad, many of them beyond our control. In all these things, the author have felt the reliable constant of a God willing to work with me and through me to produce something good. Faith in such a process will always be rewarded, even though the 'why?' questions go unanswered. Coded from [Reaching for the invisible God]

Moving deeper still, are you really serious about it?

2007-06-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

I remembered talking to Theodore and saying... I know it is hard walking in the path of God's but I really cannot imagine life without Him. So here we are here again, working and laboring in love for Him... doing our out most best.

Deeper still... is everyone really ready? Are you ready? to go deeper still with Him? Yes, more pain, hardship and rejections... not just that but on top of taking them all in, you have to rise up to occasions as well. Times of loneliness or lack of recognition, but still, pressing on... For what?

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12.2

WORSHIP07 - Deeper Still

2007-06-21T00:12:00.000-07:00

Ok... I started my blog officially today 21 June 2007...
Not much of a writing kinda person, so I guess you will much more pictures then words here...

Upcoming event -> Worship 07... really looking forward to it!
not so much of what God's gotten do there... more like I gonna show Him how much I love Him... cos its all about Him, man... its all about him.

Tuition Slots (latest updated : May 2007)

2007-05-21T21:37:00.000-07:00